A grieving mother has spoken of the pain that will never leave her after a doctor allegedly "threw her newborn baby out of a maternity hospital window", killing the child.
Viktoria Ivanova, 34, has said she has forgiven suspect Dr Alina Araslanova, 29, a GP who had given birth the same evening and was in the next bed at a Russian clinic.
The medic has been detained and her new daughter, her second child, removed from her care as investigators seek to understand her motive.
Dance teacher Viktoria has two other children and is desperately trying to keep going for them.
But she told how in the aftermath of baby Volodya's death she and her husband had suffered "pain, despair, grief, and denial, we sobbed and couldn't sleep at all".
"Sometimes I wanted to follow (my baby) out of the window," she said.
"And then we realised that in such a short period our Volodya had taught us to value and love even more.
'Him, each other, and our children, and life in general.
"We do not hold evil, and forgive everyone, the maternity hospital, the doctors and this deranged woman who was with me in intensive care".
But by the sixth day after the horror, she admitted her suffering has become even more acute.
'"The hardest thing is to wake up in the morning and realise this is the reality," she said.
"I try to hold on for the sake of our children, but it doesn't always work out.
Victim’s parents forgive new mum for ‘throwing their baby out of window to his death’
"Sometimes it seems that I cannot cope and I want to surrender.
"This feeling will not disappear, I will have to live with this all my life."
She said: "I have been killed with my child, I will never be the same.
"My children are deprived of a loved one, a little brother. I'm afraid to imagine what is happening inside my kids now – they know the whole truth.
'Everything we do in life has become so meaningless, the daily routine, work… "
Initially she and her husband Denis – a 36-year-old psychologist – had publicly forgiven the woman who allegedly threw their new son Volodya from the third floor maternity ward window in Sterlitamak.
The baby was just a couple of hours old.
Now Viktoria asked: "Where were you God when all this happened?
"How do you allow such things in the world? Where do people come from who do such things? What is wrong with this world? I have no answers to these questions."
She thanked the many people who had sent messages of sympathy to her.
"They are trying to somehow help my grief. Perhaps, all is not lost in this world. But I still cannot see anyone.
"My condition, both physical and mental, doesn't allow it. But in time I must come out and talk to people, not to shut down.
"They say in 40 days it will become easier. For now, it's hard to cope mentally with this.
"I miss my baby, I love him. I hope he is doing well there."
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Two days after her baby was killed, Viktoria penned "the most important and sincere post in my life".
She told how Volodyr was a "very long-awaited baby for both me and my husband, and our children.
"We all wanted to have another child to increase the love and happiness in our family".
Despite fears, her caesarean on August 16 had gone well and she called her husband and her other children to show him the new baby.
"And then, in tragic circumstances, we lost the baby. I do not want to describe in detail what happened.
"This can be read in all the news. It was the most terrible and nightmarish day in our lives."
Their decision to "forgive" the woman, and the hospital, for not providing security, was widely reported.
They held a farewell ceremony for their tragic little baby.
"We will not write a statement to the court, because our Volodya is about great and sincere love," she said.
"Evil cannot be defeated by evil. I am so happy that I managed to take one photo of him as a keepsake.
"Today we said goodbye to our baby. Today we also mark our wedding anniversary.
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"I am still a mother of three. It's just that one of my children lives in my heart.
"Now we will live strong and happy, and in great love, for the sake of our Volodya."
Araslanova has been detained for two months on a judge's order.
She graduated from medical university six years ago and worked as a general practitioner in Kirgiz-Miyaki village.
She and husband Renat have a daughter aged three.
"She really loved her profession," said a friend.
"She was always there to help."
Reports say that later in her second pregnancy she had suffered depression and was put under observation.
But her friend told the local media: "There were no signs of depression, I didn't notice anything when talking to her."
A murder probe was launched, said the Russian Investigative Committee.
The suspect will face a psychological and psychiatric examination.
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